Glasgow was invented by Saint Mungo in the fifth century.
He called it his 'dear green place', which in Gaelic is Glesch-chu, and over the centuries
this became Glasgow, or Glesga if you live here and speak like Rab C Nesbitt, which most
do. (That, incidentally, is why Rab C Nesbitt isn't funny - loads of folk really live like
that.)
Now, everyone knows Scotland hates being stuck with England.
The same goes for the Scottish music industry with the English - the English scene will
never be anything but shite, and ours won't. Asides from 911 we have very little to be
ashamed of - and for a country with a population of only 5million, you have to take your
hat off to the number of world-class bands we have produced over the years (Wet Wet Wet,
Texas, Simple Minds, Gun, Nazareth, Sensational Alex Harvey Band, Average White Band,
Almighty and many many more). There are more big bands per head in Scotland than any other
country in the world.
Right here in Glasgow, there's something about the place that gives us very strong R'n'B connections - and I mean "R'n'B" before it meant "black synth pop." In other words, Glasgow rocks. Unfortunately, due to the overbearing UK fashion-led music press, it only rocks sometimes. The scene ebbs and flows. Punk has been cool but is going out again, while this pathetic obsession with shitty Oasis soundalikes and Bis wannabes must stop, and soon. Underneath it all, though, quality bands in all genres will not die.
For melodic punkpop, Beauty School Dropout is where it's at, cat. Complete catchy throwaway tunes is what they do, with lyrics they admit are crap but fit, and since they have no message that's fine. The band are very pissed off with the state of the scene (and each other, sometimes), and they really don't get out and about as often as they should. So if you get the chance to hear them, hear them. Talks with record labels haven't worked out yet, but their great noises and powerful live show will see them through, and they are currently working on their debut album.
If you'd rather have a message to your punkpop, check out Just Another Dream - unquestionably one of the most talented bands in the country. Their various self-funded releases over the years flow through glam- and rock-edged sides of punkpop to some dabbling with metal and reggae. This three-piece are seriously irreverent and foulmouthed, but the main thing that comes across is their belief in produing really really fukkin' good noise. If you liked the powerpop generation, you'll wish JAD had been part of it - because they were there first, and only Honeycrack came close to being as good as the Dreams are.
Mekon, the bassman out of JAD, is one of about half a dozen big noises on the underground punk scene. The world of bands where every member's in at least three other bands, where it's more important to stand up and play than stand up and play well, where it's all about noise, speed and other drugs, and generally having a good time for no good reason and no other fukker. The Glasgow punk scene is alive and well, and sticks the finger at the rest of the city, preferring to run its own nights in its own chosen venues. If you wander into one of these nights, look out for the famous Pink Kross, Pitykill, the Blunts, New Town Grunts, Kiloton, Duffy Moon, Six Pack (Black Flag tribute) and hundreds of others. Every single one of them are lovely people, and all they want out of you is a pound at the door and for you to be utterly jaked out your skull by the time you leave.
Glasgow, as I say, has the blues. It has to be said, though, that no one touches the bluesmeister himself, Big George, he of Big George and the Business reknown. The tall, thin, cowboy-hatted guitar god is a man you simply must meet, and if you get the chance, say hello. He drinks a bottle of Southern Comfort before he goes on, one while he's on, and one when he comes off. And as he does so he produces the most stunning, amazing, heartstopping blues you'll ever hear. His last album, Home of the Wolf, is one of the best electric blues albums of all time, and anyone who's heard it puts George up with Eric Clapton and Buddy Guy (whom he's played with, by the way). Genuinely an experience you will never forget. You'll also never forget it if you wander into one of the many informal blues nights in town - original dim, smoky sleazefests, and all the best to you.
Poprock is on the up around these here parts, particularly in the forms of Parker and the Starlets. The Starlets dress in cheesy 1930s outfits, grin a lot and play self-confessed jingly-jangly nonsense. They're very good at it. Currently winging their way from indie single deal to indie single deal, they're probably Glasgow's "Most Likely To", except for Belle and Sebastian, but we won't talk about that. Parker are one of the biggest bands in Glasgow, but nobody's really noticed that. A six-piece dedicated to guitar pop in the mould of INXS and Depeche Mode et al, their target is absolute pop perfection. They may even get there. Another band worth a mention is Push, a hard-working outfit given to outbursts of perfect three-part harmonies and summery guitar strumming. It's only a matter of time for those lads too.
The rap and hip-hop scene is probably the wee-est, most incestuous part of the sound of Glasgow currently. Belles in Monica lead the pack, with a rap crossover sound that's set to break into the big-time. There's Clan D, there's Doctor Pop and there's Junior Funktion, but the sound of these bands are as changeable as their lineups. It's to be hoped they'll setlle down, though, because they're all bands worth a listen.
Of course there are dozens more great bands in town, but if you arrive here these are the ones to look for. If you hear them you'll hear of the others too, sooner or later.
Exciting, forward-looking, well-developed and confident... none of these words apply to Glasgow's gig circuit, which is at best patchy. The quality of bands far outweighs the quality of venues, and we can only hope that'll change.
Full marks for attitude goes to the 13th Note Cafe Bar, a genuine muso-hangout, where anyone who isn't in a band is at least going out with someone in a band, or manages a band, or manages a fanzine. Mainly punk, the Note welcomes everyone and does a damn good pint of heavy. Their live room is in the basement, and it's small, stupid;y shaped and has a desk lamp for stage lighting. No matter how hard the sound man works you'll never hear the vocals - but we all know it's not too important if all you want is a live buzz, and you get a brilliant live buzz when the Note is bouncing. Then you can shove off to the 13th Note Club, half a mile away, open till 3am, and enjoy even more great pints. The Club has a far better stage but it's hardly ever used for live music. Shame.
By far the most famous venue in Glasgow must be King Tut's, which, amongst its slaims to fame, is the place where Alan McGee met Oasis. Tut's, unfortunately, is up its own ass these days. It's owned by the people who run the T in the Park festival, and in recent months has decided it's T in the Park's wee brother, which it isn't. It's an okay venue with great crew, a great stage and great lights, but most of the staff you'll meet really think they're something and you're not. Tut's is on the way down, and we can't wait - the sooner it gets taken over by someone who cares about Glasgow music, the better.
One of the reasons Tut's is dying is the re-invention of the Cathouse. The Catty moved venues two years back, from an ex Seaman's Institute building on the riverside to a three-floor city centre venue. The Crew are great. The staff is great. The stage is great. The sound is great. The only thing is it's difficult to get an atmosphere going because of the shape of the place. If you can sell it out, though, you'll never forget the gig for the rest of your life.
Nice'n'Sleazy is what it has always been - heaven to some, hell to others. A pub with a very accurate name, its downstairs venue has played host to every band worth seeing in Scotland. Some nights are great, others are rubbish. The sound's good but the stage is a bit wee, the roof's too low and the bar cellar is at the back, which means members of staff keep climbing onto the stage and elbowing past the drummer to change kegs and all that. But like the Catty, when it's good it's great.
The Arena is a great venue badly run. Strawberry Fields could be something, but it remains to be seen. There's the Garage if you can afford it, and the Barrowlands if you're Motorhead - the Barras is commonly held to be one of the best mid-sized venues in Europe. The Scottish Exhibition and Conference Centre, where the massive bands play, is a pile of shite - you should only go if you really really need to see the act that's playing.
Then there's the stack of ever-faithful pub gigs - not as big a stack as it used to be, unfortunately. The State for blues, McChuills for rock, Blackfriars for acoustic sessions, the Cavern for students, Kilkenny's for everything, the Irish bars for folk, and MacSorley's for great bands who are just starting out.
But there's good news for us all - the impending
devolution from England is bound to make people up here start thinking about their sense
of independence, their sense of self. That can only lead to an upsurge in the Scottish,
and the Glasgow, scenes. It's been a long time since there were any new Glasgow musical
heroes and it's time for some more to come up through the ranks. We're all waiting for it,
and you should too - it'll be worth it!
By Martin Kielty, editor@noisewave.demon.co.uk